I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
