I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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