you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
