I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
