RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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