i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
