At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you are never too drunk for berry picking
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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