Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
