if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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