I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
