i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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