I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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