I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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