She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
