Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
