According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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