I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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