All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
