Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
