I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
