I got chris browned last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Two words: blizzard sex
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
