I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
