The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
