Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
