i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
