i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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