Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
