Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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