my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My feet surprised me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
