I wish I could teleport
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
