He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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