Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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