she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
