I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
