dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
