I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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