Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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