Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
