so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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