if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
