I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
