corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
