U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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