I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
