people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sext me about skeletons
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
