This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
