Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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