Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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