I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
