The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
