I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
